there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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