new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize