I hate all girls vehemently.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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