i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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