Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
