I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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