you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
