haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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