she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
These tits shall not be calmed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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