I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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