my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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