i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
