He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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