good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
