This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
