true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
