So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
be right there i have to get my cape
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
