I look better un-naked...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
