Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
