I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
