So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize