You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
