New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
