im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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