She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
