A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
