...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
