i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
