i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
