Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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