JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
