i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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