Will you blow on my dice?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize