Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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