One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
