Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
