Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
