double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
