I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
