there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
