We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
