One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
