my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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