Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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