maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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