you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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