This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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