You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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