Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
