I hope mine doesn't look like that
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize