You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
