I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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