thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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