I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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