i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize