He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
