I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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