So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
