OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
