Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
