if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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