Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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