I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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