god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
