Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
