Duck Duck Cougar?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
