I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
