I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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