The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize