so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
