Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
