I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
