How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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