I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
