I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
