Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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