i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
