If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
