The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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