just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
