Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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