alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
