I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
