Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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