it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to be your penis for a week.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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