please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
