He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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