he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
