This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
