I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
