I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
