I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
