and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
