A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
