And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
