walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
