I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
