i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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