i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
