Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
