Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
