oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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