We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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