I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
