Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize