Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
