he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
